When breastfeeding doesn’t work out
Birth and breastfeeding are emotional times in a woman’s life and both come with a weight that is deeply personal. Women will carry and tell their birth story over and over and it will stick with them throughout their life. Similarly, a breastfeeding journey can also be full of emotions. So when breastfeeding doesn’t work out, it can leave a lasting impact.
So with that in mind, I want you to know:
It is NEVER your fault.
It can be due to any number of conditions or anatomical reasons for either you or your baby or both and it may be different from baby to baby.
Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Working with an IBCLC can help you to work out all of your options and find the right balance for you and your baby.
It is OK and necessary to grieve.
You did your best and you are still doing your best - always.
Breastfeeding or not breastfeeding does NOT determine anything about how you mother your child or your child’s love for you.
Postpartum Depression and Anxiety can increase when breastfeeding does not go to plan. Your care providers, partners and family need to work together to help you and to keep supporting you. Your mental health matters.
It is ok to take a time out from social media!
Lactation Consultants are here to help you with breastfeeding and bottle feeding plans or a combination of both.
Recently I worked with a lovely Mum who really wanted to breastfeed. She took my class and she was so ready and prepared for what was to come. Unfortunately, due to anatomical reasons that were only fully realised once the baby arrived, this Mum was unable to breastfeed. We very gently ran to ground, all of the options available to her, sought second and third opinions from experts who confirmed this. Coming to terms with the fact that she had done everything should could, she made the decision to cease efforts and continue with bottle feeding.
I read a quote recently that said “life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot and learning to live between the place between effort and surrender”. I feel like this is ultimately true when it comes to birth, breastfeeding and even parenthood.
I want to reiterate, breastfeeding is not the be all and end all of motherhood. In my breastfeeding class, we talk very clearly about balancing breastfeeding with your mental health.
So what can you do?
Take an antenatal breastfeeding class. This helps you know early, what is normal and what is not, helps you because you now have someone you can reach out to, who you already know and is on your team, who you feel comfortable with, as soon as you need it.
Get your partner to attend too. Often Dads don’t think they need to come, “breasts are a woman thing”, but trust me, the Dads that do my class walk away with a TON of information to know how to support you and so they know when to ask for help as well. They are your advocate and I empower them to speak up for you!!!
The vast majority of breastfeeding issues arise from mis-management of breastfeeding in the early days and weeks rather than a true physiological issue and you need professionals to help you work out which it is for you.
Get help, as soon as something doesn’t feel right or isn’t adding up. Postnatal help is NOT a luxury, it’s a necessity and I wish this country treated it as such, but that is a whole other issue for another day. Throw your hand up in hospital before you leave, call a lactation consultant, ask your Mum, ask your doula, physio, osteopath, community health nurse and many more. So many people who are out there that you trust can help to point you in the right direction. Check out the resources page on my website for more local recommendations.
Breathe and go easy on yourself. This is all new and it takes time to sort out. Breastfeeding is not always as easy and they come out, go to the boob and feed. I wish it was that simple for everyone. There are a lot of courses and social pages that say this is how it works which is not only misleading but detrimental to both of you. The reality is, that for some, it needs assistance from someone who genuinely cares for you.
If it doesn’t work out, that is ok. With everything in life, we prepare, we set the best of intentions, we do everything we can and then we surrender to what is, and nurture and honour our feelings.
Much love to all the beautiful parents and parents to be out there. I am here for you and would love to work with you as you navigate your breastfeeding goals. I currently work with parents on the Northern Beaches and North Shore of Sydney and via zoom Telehealth consults. I teach a monthly group breastfeeding class in North Curl Curl and private breastfeeding classes by appointment.
Peta xo
