3-4 Month “Regression” Whats happening to my baby?!
Trying to work out why your 3-4 month old is acting batcrap crazy and waking up at night all over again?! Feel like you had it all worked out and now it’s all changed?Well, so is every other Mum and Dad! Rest assured it is super normal and here’s what is happening.
The first thing you need to do is reframe it from the dreaded “4 month regression” to a developmentally normal progression. Because it is a big one!
Let’s look at what’s happening developmentally for your baby:
They just realised you are 2 different people, up until now they think you are one and the same! So that means you can now leave them, and they don’t like that very much! So separation anxiety kicks up a notch.
We also have new faces popping up as you start to go out more and more, and yep - now we have stranger danger, developmentally normal protection mechanisms to help us know who our safe and trusted people are. This also means we recognise when favourite people come home, usually Dad coming back is exciting and Mum becomes chopped liver!
Bub is starting to get some cool new skills, rolling might be starting to come online (anywhere from 3-7mths), that means baby can move and that’s super exciting, and a skill they want to really practise! This also means the swaddle that your baby (and you) may love, has got to go. Once they can roll, they are a hazard because they could trap themselves in a position and not be able to get back out. So arms out is from now on. The next issue with arms out, is if they have a strong startle reflex, that can wake them up frequently for a while until they get used to the feeling.
Eyesight is sharpening up too, so that butterfly that just flew by, super interesting and way better than feeding, cue them popping off to check it out! In fact, popping off the breast and checking out everything is way more interesting than feeding. Distraction is huge at this age as the world opens up to them in a way it hasn’t before.
Reaching for things is also big now. NO it is not a sign I am ready to eat your food, but it can can look like it. Grabby hands go everywhere, reaching for plates, toys, clothes, the pets etc! In fact, they make just stare at those cool hands, they are easily fascinated by them! Please know, 6 months is developmentally appropriate for babies to start solids, not sooner despite some still really bad advice online.
Some babies might teethe early, but for most, they just love to explore with their mouth like a crazy puppy! Textures are great here. Hands and toys all going in.
Baby has also discovered their voice and making new sounds is super fun, especially when our beloved people make them back at us, that is the start of being a social being and having conversations! So all those oohs and aah are working our little brains!
Your baby is also getting stronger, better neck control and better at tummy time, so again, the world is a little more interesting.
They also physically get bigger! So you may need to move them from their bassinet to a cot if they are touching the sides and waking themselves up.
So again we need to reframe it from a regression because this stuff makes for some seriously cool milestones for the little person in your life. We need to give them some grace at this time, they honestly can’t help it.
What might be happening with feeding? Well, it really can get frustrating for you. Because you worked it all out in the first 6 weeks, you might feel like you are in a bit of a rhythm and you understand their feeding patterns by now and then they chuck it all out the window again. They may become incredibly hard to feed in the day, do short frequent feeds, looking like they are rejecting the breast, popping on and off etc. It can be really annoying and then Mums start to worry about supply and if their baby is getting enough.
ALL SUPER NORMAL!!!! Every single one of you is going through it. How long does it last? Very that is different for every family.
What can you do with the feeding side of things? A couple of things actually.
Roll with it! Babies of this age are very unlikely to starve themselves, so if they don’t eat, just low pressure offer again half an hour later or when they start showing cues again.
Maybe if they have always been a 2 breast feeder, they may now only take one breast and then the other one an hour later.
You can try feeding as soon as they wake up, when they are still a little sleepy and adorable before they go full exploration mode. I often say, don’t change their nappy and annoy them, just pop them straight on the breast and deal with all of that after the feed.
Feeding to sleep is always a great option, they love a boob to sleep and honestly when we have that superpower, why fight it. 100% of adults have all stopped feeding to sleep so please don’t think you are creating bad habits, that’s just rubbish! Use that super power mamas!
Don’t start isolating yourself, but for a couple of feeds in the day if it is getting really bad, feed at home in a really boring corner! Make the room dark, turn on the sound machine, have the chair facing a boring blank wall behind you so there is less to distract them.
Sometimes giving them something to hold like a lovey or bunny etc can help, especially if they are starting to get too handsy on your face or your other nipple.
And as always - Go back to my top 3 things - What goes in must come out! So PEE / POO / WEIGHT GAIN! These are the most accurate predictors that feeding is still going well for you.
If you are concerned about supply, please do a full evaluation with an IBCLC - Lactation Consultant, we can check everything and reassure you or give you tips to handle this. If you think something is wrong, I believe you, will assess everything and help you work it out. The sooner you ask for help the better with all feeding concerns.
Supply can become an issue if too many bottles are given around this time without emptying the breast. Remember it all works on supply and demand so if you replace too many feeds with bottles, that does create an issue.
Please resist the urge to sleep train at this time. This is normal baby behaviour and your baby is super smart. They know they still need the calories, so they reverse cycle them. If they are distracted in the day, they usually respond by feeding more at night and waking up more to get them. Super annoying but actually when you think all of this through, you can see they need to do it.
I’m definitely not saying this is easy, but it is normal so take comfort in that side of things. If your mental health is a concern, please look after yourself first and foremost. Enlist help from friends to help care for baby while you nap or get a break to do something you enjoy. Particularly those of us with older kids, we would jump to hang with a 4 month old again! If you need help, please always reach out and tell people you love if you are struggling.
Remember this is a stage that will pass, I promise!
Reach out if you need help at anytime.
Peta x
3 Month olds love faces, including their own! Tummy time improves, “conversation” comes online and so many milestones get created!